Blogging is for Losers

Ok, so after what I deem a really long hiatus (seeing as I was blogging like thrice a day before) I've come to the conclusion that blogging might be the "cool cause it's nerdy" thing to do. I mean I seemed to have had a phase of blogging not unlike my recurring "I'm not too old to start up my pokemon card collection again", phases; where I am semi-interested for a week or two and think it's gonna be the next thing I dedicate my life to acheiving, before it fades away a week ater.

Either that or they banned this site at work and I don't have the time or patience to be frequently blogging about shit that don't matter when I'm home. I've got pizzas to cook and drinking games to play. But for the time being, have a maury christmas everyone! :)

Platinum J.D.L

Today's blog comes live from my desk at work; with an unnecessarily intense hangover and zero inspiration as to pointless or unintersting topics to make interesting points about. So it got me thinking, maybe it's time to recap. I was just reading a blog where the author had 2010 listed as a "dislike". It seems crazy to me that everybody is experiencing such different lives all at once; where 2010 has been the best year of my life but for a lot of others it has been very sub-par.

As much as I'd like to continue on with an inspirational piece about butterfly effects or how backpackers are riding llama's through Peru while you're riding the stairs to the second floor on a bean bag; it turns out I am very unintersted in other peoples lives. So let us focus on me. Last night was housewarming party for our new three level house at Aurora. It's hard to complain when you live literally three metres from a ski run and chair lift on a mountain you get to snowboard for free, but the stupid neighbours with their stupid kids did (jokes about the stupid part). The start of 2010 had good vibes; not unlike the way you can almost taste bakery food with your nose. You just know it's gonna taste better than it smells.

Now guys, I know my blog's are very mundane and pointless, so it makes it seem like I have nothing better to do or have a lot of anger or frustration built up inside of me; but this couldn't be further from the truth. Truth is, I'm not too sure if it was 2010 that has made 2010 so good. Do you compliment a roast chicken on how it tastes? No. You thank the chef and dig in. The main reason why 2010 has been a platinum year, in a word, me. I don't think I've ever been so content with myself as I have been this year, and I know that 2011 will just continue to be epic because it's not just about what has happened in the year, but moreso about my attitude. My zen-like awesomeness and subsequent narcissism doesn't look to be fading anytime soon for any reason.

The best part about this year is that it has come with all the same ups and downs that every other year has produced. All the classics, girl troubles, financial troubles, unlocking new guitar hero songs, travel, eating biscuits, parties, irrational decisions to get a piercings and such, drinking, work, a rapid decline in personal health and physical fitness, bills, McDonald's, you name it. But I haven't seen any negatives at all; I am quite comfortable just letting shit go. A straight up, stellar year. Also, there were a few ridiculous food metaphors in here. Good times.

I Don't Have An Accent

I figured the last few posts we're getting too emotive and this blog needs a bit more braun. So I present to you...a hate filled rant.

When I was in Huntington Beach, California a month or two back, I was ranting to B-Rod and Dad whilst crossing the zebra stripes and this girl stops super suddenly, right in front of me, turns and says "Sorry, but I just love your accent". I was pleasantly surprised by her frank(stallone)ness and replied with, "Thanks, I like your accent too". She flipped and said (in the traditional contorted American accent) "Uh, thanks but I don't have an accent". With a scowl on her face and a look in her eyes that I haven't seen since the janitor was foiled by Scooby and the gang, she left my life; maybe forever.

The amount of times I have heard this same phrase since I came to North America is getting ridiculous. I want to go on record and say that the only people that actually don't have accents are people that don't speak; ever. Even when you are in a country where everybody sounds the same, it just means that everyone has accents. On another note; accents are cool. I was legitimately upset over the thought that I would end up with a girl that has an Australian accent. I also miss hearing over the radio at work, "Hampus to Handsome Yesse", in the most hilarious Swedish accent imaginable.

Also, French-Canada; you're not France. Just because you speak the language doesn't automatically make you part of the country. I know a little bit of Swedish but I don't go around telling people I'm Australian-Swedish; because that would make me a pretentious douche. Did you know that Quebec actually went through a vote a while back to try and make themselves their own country. What a joke. Side note; French people can't stand French-Canadians. I think this is the main point, doesn't matter if you want to be France because France doesn't want you. You can copy it all you want but you can't be in the club mate. I'm going to take off my hat of diplomacy and throw this out there; I think France should sue Quebec for country copyright.

où le boeuf?

Gobstoppers V. Jawbreakers

The ultimate candy when I was a youngster had nothing to do with taste, but was popular on the basis of longevity. Gobstoppers were fairly priced sweets that outlasted all others ten fold; although their taste was pretty average if you ask me. No, today's ramblings aint about the delicious and long lasting experience of a great product like Wonka's Gobstoppers and no, "Cure My Obscurity" hasn't recently been sponsored by Wonka Candy Inc. (although they make wonderfully fun and delicious lollies). I'm wondering how Willie managed to market the human instict to want to hold onto experience?

I can't actually decide which is better. Jawbreakers are bigger and definately last longer as a singular candy, sometimes for days. Gobstoppers are brief compared to a jawbreaker; but there are many in a packet. Is it better to enjoy short bursts of experience knowing that there are many more to come, or is it enough to let the glory of taste stay over a longer period of time, but as a single experience?

I just think that everyone has this instinct to want to hold onto something good. Working on your gobstoppers while drunk is always a big mistake. You might miss out on a great flavour because of a blindspot in memory. You might swallow it prematurely and choke. You may even not realise that one packet is still going, and open another accidentally (this kind of stopper related fault has never befallen me, but it does happen). I'm working on a jawbreaker at the moment, and it bugs me that at some point it might have to end. The reality is, there is no candy that lasts forever; but if there was I would chuck the dentist on speed dial in two winks of a coal miners eye.

Your jawbreaker will chop and change colour and taste as you keep sucking away; there's a billion different flavours to either enjoy or hate, but that's the most epic part. Is there a metaphor? Read into it whichever way you want; I mean, most of the time, you end up with a sore face, staring at an empty packet.

Alphabet Soup

I wrote a blog a couple of weeks back. I believe it was one of the debut blogs on 'Cure My Obscurity', about circumstantially hot girls at Panorama and a new girl that all the boys were talking about; also about how lame the new girl thing is. Two/Three weeks later, new girl is not new girl anymore. She's an old mate. Also known as my girlfriend. Mmm, God eating my words tastes good, I'll have seconds please. In retrospect it was a rash decision to write a blog about a person I hadn't met yet although I am still very anti-new girl hype. I have continuously, on this blog, stated that I enjoy writing blogs about topics in which I have no knowledge about or interest in gaining further knowledge of, and will not stop here.

I just always seem to eat my own words. When I was in Hollywood I was stopped by an interviewer for the George Lopez Tonight show. They were filming for a sketch called "Your darkest secrets" and asked me to say something for the camera. When they asked me what I did back home, I panicked (don't know why, just wanted to impress the mighty nation of the united states of America) and said Public Relations. Now, I ended up tripping somewhere along the explanation and although they didn't say anything, it was obvious that no, I do not have any practical P.R experience whatsoever. I'm just lucky that George Lopez is only the number three highest paid comedian in U.S.A...a country which I'm assuming, because I've never heard of it before, is very small and insignificant. So I'm not too phased about embarrassing myself in front of the show's probably miniscule audience reach.

The fact of the matter is that we all do it, and we all do it a lot. It's time for people to sit down, tuck in your bib and gobble up that alphabet soup proudly. To be honest, I don't know where this blog is going and it definately doesn't offer any insight to anything important; I've just got a beef with people that try to scapegoat the consequences of their verbal double fault's onto others. It's like when my housemate Joey and Myself ordered a Blacklight online for our "Kings of Neon" party (December 1st, Monument Common Room, 8:30pm), and the e-mail doesn't come through. We rang up the guy and he (very rudely) stated that he had not produced any fault whatsoever and that it was our mistake. I asked him to repeat the e-mail address he sent our confirmation to and he reads back "Triple M...". It's then that I stop him and say, "Nah mate, It's four M's". He snaps back with, "Uh, Yeah! That's what i said; It's definately something wrong by you, I can't help you". Well excuse me, wise ass blacklight.com guy, but I didn't realise that you have no time for the one customer you have...ever. Here I was naively assuming that you wouldn't be offloading UV blacklights too rapidly but apparently the population of witch doctors and stay-at-home ravers in America are sky rocketing at the moment.

I'm getting off topic...thankfully.

By The Power Vested In Facebook, I Now Pronounce You...

I've recently gotten myself into a relationship and the funniest thing was said to me the other day. I'm in the break room, and a work mate of mine asks me, "So it's official?". I'm like, "Yep". He replies, "Yes, but is it facebook official?"


As funny as this sounded to me at the time, I honestly thought to myself, I don't know if it is. Just wondering how something can be official, but not Facebook official. Where facebook is the final frontier concerning relationship confidence, and openess to friends. Many people would say "Well I know I have a girlfriend, I don't know why it's important for all the people on facebook to know". But it's still a tricky subject. When the question comes up (and it will) as to why it's not official on facebook, if you use this answer it just looks like you want to hide her away or am ashamed of her. Whether you are or not, noone will believe you.


It's like you have to go through a second awkward step into defining the relationships. Whether you do or you don't, noone wants to be the first person to admit that yeah I want you to be my girlfriend/boyfriend. Even after you've made it official in this way, you have to go through the exact same embarrasing process of being the first person to request it on facebook. According to facebook I don't have a girlfriend, but according to my parents I also don't. So knowing this, maybe facebook is that brave talk you have to have with the people that already make up your life, concerning the person that will from now on be as big, if not bigger part of it.


My parents are married. But Dad doesn't have facebook. I'm worried that this makes them unofficial and coincidentally makes me a bastard child. As facebook grows not only in popularity, but also climbs up the heirarchy of importance in everyones lives, we could be seeing the disintegration of religious procedures within marriage. A world where you can tie the knot at the click of a button and it would not just be official, but "Facebook official", a term seemingly held in higher esteem within pop culture.


Fuck, No.

Unofficial Invites

So the winter season begins again (kind of) and trips are being organised. We've got a big crew of people heading out for some good times in the snow this weekend. Some cordially invited, some not so much. But for the sake of good times you don't really want to outcast people, right? Most of the time you don't intend to not invite someone, you might just forget.

I recieved a text message the other night from a guy that basically said, "Mate, heard you're going snowboarding on the weekend. I'm in". Not that I didn't want this guy to come, but it came to me as a bit of a semi-amusing shock. The worst thing is, that guy always ends up outcasting himself through the unofficial invite anyway. It's the guy that tries to join in on all the "in" jokes and just ends up sounding or looking way too keen.

Back in high school me and a bunch of friends invited a stupid (appealing to dudes only) game called 'Rape'. Sounds terrible, I know. The game was basically, in a public place, one participant would yell 'Rape' and attempt to wrestle the other guy into a provacative position. The other person, when provoked, wrestles back until one person is declared the victor at 'rape'. We played this a bunch of times in shopping centres, movie theatres and even in the middle of saturday football games. Two of my friends in particular, played this game in the middle of class at college a few times, much to the amusement of the other classmates. Outside of class, there was one guy who tried to fit in with this game and continuously came up to my friends yelling 'rape' loudly in the hallways and then mildly attacking them with moves like poking, noggieing, or a dece' chinese burn. This kid was lame, and solidified this status through self-appointed inclusion into such 'in' games; or unofficial invites.

Everyone would like to be included and everyone wants to be popular whether they admitt it or not. We've all had a new boyfriend or girlfriend before, and we know how annoying it is to stand there when you first meet their friends and have no input into all the 'in' talk and gossip that goes on. Word of advice guys; don't assume automatically that you are welcome to join in on things just because people may have talked about it out loud around you. It would probably be less lame to just create your own day out at the same location, invite like one or two people, and then just "happen" to meet the other group out there and say it would convenient to hang out.

Actually, scratch that. That's probably worse...