Thumbs Down

Who had the stupid idea to put Orange Juice in those square cartons? This blog will be a really short, Peter Griffin "What Grinds My Gears" style rant. The other day I bought a Five Alive OJ in a 1Litre carton, and when I pop the flap open and peel off the silver thing, there's this tiny Mike & Ike sized hole staring back at me as if I'm actually supposed to pour my drink through this thing. Found out later that, yeah, that was the exit hole. The thing with this, is that I just cleaned the counter because we're moving out of our house in a week and after one cheeky pump fake where the orange juice hits the wall of the box, the pressure from the tiny hole shoots the orange juice far, and then when I try to correct it, it slows down for a steady pour. Even then, with that tiny and odd shaped hole even if you were to drink straight out of the box you wouldn't get much. I had to wipe up all the spillage and lost half my orange juice in the process. Idiots.

I Love You, Dude.

So I was skyping my best mate back in Australia last night, and when we finish our conversation he ends with, "Love you, bro". I absently reply, "Love you too, dude".

I could go on with some kind of lengthy, impressively vocab-infused tale, pandering to the increasingly high blogging standards of modern day academia. But I think I'll just cut to the chase. Guys are phasing in a sensitive side. I believe that we just suddenly (and unconciously) decided that platonic man-love is okay in the same way as it is for girls, although maybe not as intense. As you may be aware of, change is a gradual process, not immediate. We all know there are still a bunch of big, burly, beer swigging, gritty, emotionless men out there doing their thing; and it's called going undercover in the tool shed.



It was just a funny realisation (like everything I blog about), that we are allowed to say a meaningful phrase like "Love you" to someone we've been best friends with for over 7 years, but only if it's made to sound kind of tough with the suffix "dude", "bro" or "bra". Furthermore, why do thuggish colloquialisms at the end of a sentence cancel out its honest meaning? It is this modern day faux pas that continuously adds to my confusion over Hip Hop slang; specifically and not so recently David Guetta's "Sexy Bitch"...is calling a girl 'bitch' accepted as a positive thing now? You can tell Guetta was forced into that one by the studio heads. There is no way someone of his age (who in all probability has at least three daughters of his own by now) would agree to speaking about women in such a derogatory manner; and so publicly. We get that these guys are straight thuggin' and shit, but my friend tried that line "Damn, youse a sexy bitch" in a club when approaching a girl, and he got his bitch ass slapped dawg. Straight Up. Would it be hard to take off the gold chains for a second, just approach a girl and be like "Hey, I'm Akon. You are a beautiful woman." Biggie Smalls had the right idea when he said "Who they attractin' with that line, 'What's your name? What's your size? Soon as they buy that wine, Ima sneak up from behind. Ask you what your interests are" ...etc, etc. But hey, that being said, Akon's alive, Biggie's dead. Correlation? Who knows...

Granted, the hip hop world has gone too fast, too early; and I doubt people are ready to act like that towards other people outside the fantasy of a music video. I just think it's a little bit sad when men can't say anything meaningful at all without it being paired with a casual air that turns it into abit of a joke. Although I think it is a sad thought, I don't even know if I could be totally and truthfully blunt with emotions towards other guys I consider my friends.

That's just gay...bro.

Hubris

When I was in High School my favourite subject was Ancient History. Apart from the frustratingly long and pointless dispute against Margaret Atwood's (once again, teeth-grinding) perspective on the inclusion of women in history, the topic that came up the most was that of the Ancient Greek word, "Hubris". Hubris, as defined by Wikipedia, (get off my case, I know it's not a qualified source but I'm not exactly handing in this blog as my Thesis) means extreme haughtiness, pride or arrogance. Hubris often indicates a loss of contact with reality and an overestimation of one's own competence or capabilites.

I believe it was this very same vice that was the downfall of recurring blogging in the life of Jesse Lewis (yes, talking about hubris requires me to talk about myself in the third person). I admit, as this here blog became more popular I began to push the boundaries a little. Those of you reading in Australia may not understand, but I wrote a lot of work related and Pano related blogs (one of which was my absolute favourite that was only up for 2 hours and recieved no less than 13 emails on facebook, some from people I had only met once or twice at pano, congratulating me for writing it). Basically, I got cocky. Although officially my blog only has 12 followers, it has been read in over 20 countries including Romania, the United Arab Emirates and Malaysia (ok maybe someone might've been near malaysia on holidays but I can't explain Romania and UAE). I thought I was untouchable.

Until one day, I get called into my supervisors office, the stench of a freshly printed written warning still permeates the room. I know what is to come. Before any words are said she deals me a familiar looking page. It's a printed version of one of my own blogs, the very same blog that begins with an incriminating "Coming at you live from my desk at work, nursing a massive hangover". Busted, and blogging days...over.

Just like King Agamemnon of Argos (or Mycenae, depending on how you interpret your Greek mythology), it was Hubris that brought me to my knees and forced my hand and pen (or blue dagger of conservative retribution as I like to call it) to sign that record of discussion. I still remember those days now, slashing word after word into the work computer with no regard for anyone watching. Slandering bosses, HR reps and most of all, buff, club-thumping idiots (no offence, but offence). For this, I am sorry. I apologize to the millions...and millions of this blogs fans that have had to wait month after month for sub-par blogs as a result of public censorship. I was too focused on the oil enriched Sheikh that may be reading this blog from his super computer at the top of the Burj Al Arab Tower in Dubai to even realise that...maybe my bosses were reading this blog too.

All this aside, I hope the people that tuned in old time and long time to these here writings are still getting hooked up with the sweet, sweet nonsense that you all know and love (and it's an even nicer surprise when I found out people I haven't spoken to in ages, or didn't connect as amazingly with as others are reading this).